i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
