Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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