Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
