I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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