Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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