I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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