WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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