East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
