I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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