We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
