what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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