dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
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Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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