I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
