remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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