I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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