I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
