It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
