I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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