So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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