remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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