i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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