I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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