WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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