So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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