I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
