Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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