Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
