Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
