I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
