I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
