Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
