So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
now i know why i became what i already was.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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