all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
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Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
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Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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