I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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