they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
