I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
