I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
