no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
