you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
