I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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