i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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