We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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