You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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