So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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