I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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