ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
