She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
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