Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
