dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I can't turn off my feet"
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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