where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
