why didn't you poke me back
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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