I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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