Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
