Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
