Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
