If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
