There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
