You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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