dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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