Got a toothbrush?
I am puke
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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